I can't believe 10 years ago today was the day changed my life and sanity for forever... I found out I was going to be a mom. Definitely the busiest, most stressful, and most bizarre-turn-of-events decade of my life (thus far).
10 years ago today I remember that sinking feeling of "Oh *hit, I'm late!" I went to the nearby CVS in my darkest sunglasses (as if like anyone would recognize me and I'd be met out front by the paparazzi #Diva) to buy a "test" and soon found it was positive. Afterwards, I paced in my backyard for an hour not knowing what to feel. The first person I called was my mom, then Chad haha. When so many of my friends are now just having babies, I found out I was starting this chapter a decade ago at 23. Having a kid definitely changes everything (under statement), especially having 3! What was I thinking haha! (Love you Trent, Casey, Norah ❤️) 10 years ago having a kid without maternity coverage was a pre existing condition! WOW! I cried when I found this out - a lot! Before I could even think about enjoying pregnancy, I immediately started looking for a job that offered insurance right away and found retail was who offered this. Due to violent pregnancy sickness, I threw up in between each interview, peeing myself along the way, weaving a scented trail of my despair throughout Easton 😳 By the end of the day I landed a management position at Crate and Barrel (1 week later: "Oh btw CB, someone preggoed my eggo!"🤰🏼). The benefits package was 10 hours on your feet all day with a stockroom upstairs selling crap people don't need (but I want it!). If someone says retail while preggers is fun, THEYRE LYING!
Fast forward 4 months, I got married. Fast forward 4 more months, I have a baby and get demoted at work. I then said screw this and with the help of my good friend Bryan, got a $10/hr job at US Bank, but at least was home in the evenings with my baby. Fast forward 10 months, I'm hospitalized and then quit my job to start my own home daycare (where I got the idea from a customer of mine at the bank.)
Over the next 9 years, I had 2 more kids, got divorced, franchised my company, built a tiny house, loved and loss a couple more times, traveled, got chickens, and through it all found happiness. My life sometimes doesn't feel mine, but it's forced me to grow and become me, not an idea of me. The picket fence was what I always wanted and chased, but in hindsight, made me depressed to keep running after and now just seems quite boring and silly. For those whose lives turned out exactly the way they hoped and planned, good for you, I'll always be somewhat envious. However can you say you're happy, truly happy? That you're comfortable in your own skin? That you're living your authentic self? That you feel beautiful without someone validating it for you? That you're living today and not waiting for tomorrow? I truly hope you can ☺️
Wow, so 10 years ago today changed my life and sanity for forever... I found out I was going to be a mom, I also found myself. I learned to embrace disappointment and find its silver lining. I found what it means to bleed life and how that's beautiful. I learned how to forgive and let go. I befriended compassion towards myself and others. I found perfection is in the imperfection. I found comfort in the wide open spaces vs the confinement of that picket fence. I found peace. And beyond finding happiness, I found joy. #LongestPostEver #MyTrueMothersDay #LotsOfTherapy #Almost34 😒